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Words of wisdom
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique -- just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, But, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your
arm and smack that jerk upside the head.
The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those who got there first.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away, and you have their shoes.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
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