1. "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach him how to fish and he'll sit out in a boat and drink beer." Author Unknown
2. "Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who try to find it." Author Unknown
3. "That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable." Author Unknown
4. "I once felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet, so I asked him, Since you're not using your shoes, could I have them?" Author Unknown

1. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
2. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
3. All generalizations are false.
4. Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
5. I brake for no apparent reason.
6. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
7. Forget about World Peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
8. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
9. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
10. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
11. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
12. I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
13. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
14. Born free. Taxed to death.
15. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
16. Rehab is for quitters.
17. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
18. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
19. Montana - At least our cows are sane!
20. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
21. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
22. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
23. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
24. Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
25. No radio - Already stolen.
26. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
27. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
28. Horn broken. Watch for finger.
29. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
30. Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
31. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
32. Hard work has a future payoff.
33. Laziness pays off NOW.
34. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
35. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
36. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
37. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
38. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
39. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
40. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
41. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
42. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
43. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
44. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
45. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
46. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
47. i souport publik edekashun.
48. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
49. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
50. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
51. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?